This week I have to start off by saying, reviewing Inglourious Basterds is kind of like reviewing a an exquisite blow job. There's a lot going on and surely there are things to criticize, but I can't think of what they are now that it's finished. Quentin Tarantino has pulled off a masterpiece, and for the love of God I wish the rest of Hollywood and movie critics everywhere would sit up and take notice. So instead of referencing what Inglourious Basterds did right and sounding like a yob wanking over a bunch of nudie pictures, I'll do a quick review other movies...
Insomnia
For the three of you that remember Insomnia, this was was Christopher Nolan's followup to Momento and a remake of a Norwegian film of the same name. Al Pachino plays a detective who is willing to bend the law to gain convictions of known criminals. Alaska comes alive as a character in the film, and as such, overshadows the rest of the performances. The crime and punishment aspect is ripe with squandered attempts at suspense. This film could have been left behind by a fleet of geriatric overweight turtles, it moved along so slowly - and the flat performances were somewhat reminiscent of a corpses heart monitor which produced a feeling more aligned to dreary and sad than actual suspense. Yes, it's a good film, and yes, it won awards, but take note - too much of a breath between beats and your audience goes to sleep. Even if your protagonist doesn't.
Defiance
Defiance, another good story that had the potential of greatness, but couldn't decide if it was going to be an action film, a drama, or a romance. And through its own lack of focus wound up defeating itself. We were clearly supposed to feel some sense of suspense and concern about any of the thousands of conflicts going on - brother against brother, jews against nazis, man against man, forest dwellers against army, people against nature, man against woman, to name just a few. The broad scope and variety of conflicts eventually left the viewer feeling lost and confused, like a lumberjack in a camp of mostly transvestite prostitutes. Sure, it was oddly arousing, but there was an overwhelming sense that you would be disappointed by whatever was uncovered next. As soon as you started to care about one conflict, you were forced to confront another, and another, and another. Not only was I not on the edge of my seat, but I resigned myself to a horribly confusing swirling mess that made me feel like a acne-ridden teenager with attention deficit disorder in a room full of candy and swimsuit models. With math problems scrawled on the walls.
The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight could have easily been the worst movie ending ever, since it singlehandedly ruined the end of the movie as well as the sequel which will inevitably be produced. Not that any of that matters. The fanboys and critics all shat themselves in excitement of this steaming piece of crap and tore into anyone who said otherwise. Here - Nolan again - seemingly leveraged the tragic death and stellar performance of Heath Ledger into an excuse to ignore the advice of a good editor. The last forty minutes should have been completely removed. Not only would this have made for a shorter, tighter, and ultimately better film, but the scrapped material could have been the foundation of the plot for the sequel. Weighing in at two and a half hours, The Dark Knight was long enough to be considered it's own brand of torture in many countries, and the ending was far enough removed from the main theme to stay well away from any charges if ever brought to justice. It was like Dick Cheney to most critics, who were afraid if they mentioned any of these inherent weaknesses, the terrorists would win.
Mystic River
Mystic River has bothered me for a long time - maybe it was the critical maniacal raving, or the fact that it actually won awards, but it's simply the most concrete example of how to cock up a movie ending, taking an otherwise good story and driving it to the point of raw hatred in the last ten minutes, simply because the director just doesn't know when to cut it the fuck off. That whole ten minute sequence at the end of the film should have been cut, stomped on, and burned. If it had ended with Sean Penn walking up the street after leaving the parade, the story would have been resolved and the movie would have had a perfect counterpart to the opening sequence of three kids playing in that same street. Instead of ending on a powerful and imaginative high point that doesn't belittle it's audiences ability to figure out what's going on, it ends in a whiney quivering mess that made me want to simultaneously scratch my eyes out and hurl heavy objects at the screen. Yes, it won awards. Yes, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, and Kevin Bacon all had amazing performances. But I was able to set all of that aside because the ending was so horribly fucked.
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The Bastards - as I've come to call it, since saying "inglourious" all the time is a bit like having your tongue stuck in a blender - suffers from none of these problems. This was the first time I've been able to watch Brad Pitt in a starring role that didn't make me want to chew my own leg off in an attempt to escape - it was a great character, and a good performance. This is probably the first time in history I've seen a multilingual movie make use of subtitles and the characters language so effectively, it was completely immersive. The timing of dramatic and action sequences create a strong sense of suspense. Tarantino deftly withdraws his cock and delays the obligatory orgasm of action for two and a half solid hours while maintaining a perfect pace. I found myself on the edge of my seat through most of the movie, and more importantly I never looked at my watch to see how much longer I would have to suffer. He finally brings a better refined sense of humor to a film that balances comedy and gore without either being overpowering, or awkward. The audience is allowed to laugh and squirm from time to time - on occasion at the same time. All in all, despite the fact that the entire history of World War II is turned on it's head, I didn't care because the bad guy gets it in the end. The Bastards was like riding shotgun through a dark revenge fantasy with a killer clown, it's funny, maniacal, bloody, and one hell of an exciting ride.
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